i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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