doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
