Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he thought i was a dude.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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