Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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