my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
