Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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