I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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