forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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