a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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