loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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