i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
