I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
