I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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