I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
