I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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