She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
