some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
