when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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