I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
