i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Two words: blizzard sex
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
