he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you inspire me to be a worse person
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize