Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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