if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
