I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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