Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
