If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
