before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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