I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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