the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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