I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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