sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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