Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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