so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
