I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize