I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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