the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
