never play flip cup with pint glasses
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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