I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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