just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
