When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
