Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
