I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
