Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
