Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
