to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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