I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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