Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
