my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
