dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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