I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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