We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
