i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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