I'm gonna have a badass scar
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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