my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So squirting runs in the family.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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