All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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