I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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