so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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