Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
