how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
