Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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