Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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