I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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