Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
