Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
