I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
