i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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