at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize