I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
